“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32)

Forgiveness is an act of kindness and love. We all crave it when we offend others. Regrettably, we resist offering it to those who offend us. It really doesn’t matter that we have been forgiven by God in Christ Jesus; we find it very difficult to forgive others. Our natural inclination is to see our offenders suffer, even when they ask for our forgiveness.

Couples do it to each other, in spite of their proximity in bed. A wounded friend struggles to forgive the other, and siblings fight to free each other from their hate nest, when they are badly hurt. However, the real battle is waged in the hearts of victims of oppressive regimes. They could even hate God for forgiving and saving their brutal leaders. The amazing thing is how we forget our unworthiness when mercy and grace found us on Calvary. Paul puts it this way:

“For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Rm. 3:23); and “the wages of sin is death” (6:23a).

But for the grace of God through Christ Jesus, God would look away from us when His wrath is revealed (v.23b). We’re forgiven, not because we deserve it. It’s the overflow of God’s infinite love that dissolves our sins in the precious blood of His only Begotten Son.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast” (Eph. 2:8-9).

 Despite this bounteous gracious God has lavished on us, we still struggle to forgive one another.

The truth is that the one who has not learned to be unselfish cannot forgive. Until the self stands aside, forgiveness cannot pass through.

Jesus taught this in Philippians 2:5-8. The King of the entire universe removed His royal regalia, adorned Himself in humanity, assumed the role of servanthood, humbled Himself, and learned obedience to death – even to death on the cross.

Before He cried, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” Christ destroyed selfishness in His incarnation for our benefit and example (Luke 24:35; 2:6-7).

To forgive one another therefore, the “I” and “me’ must give way to “”we” and “us”. It’s something this generation can’t deal with. In today’s world, it’s my way or none other. So, a husband walks away from a marriage without a care for how it hurts his children. A wife abandons her marital home for the quest of self-assertion with no regret, because career calls. It’s modern and chic. It’s the expression of the self that leaves no room for forgiveness.

Paul instructs on the precursor to self-emptying in these verses:

“Do nothing out of selfishness ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of the others” (Phil. 2:3-4)

A heart that seeks the interest of others, always seeks their restoration in forgiveness, and good fellowship with God and others. As Charles Swindoll says, instead of holding grudges against those who offend us, we should be anxious to forgive. When we combine this with our Lord’s command to “Love [our] enemies and pray for those who persecute [us]”, grudges thaw easier in forgiveness (Matt. 5:44). And who knows, you may be on the receiving end next week.