Very early in the morning, the chief priests, with the elders, the teachers of the law and the whole Sanhedrin, made their plans. So they bound Jesus, led him away and handed him over to Pilate.

Mark 15:1

For Meditation

As I sit here licking my wound, flashes of memories parade before me. How things could have been different, had I listened. If only I had paid heed to the Master! But isn’t that how we all are? I was so sure of my love for the Lord that I didn’t see how on earth I could deny Him. Convinced of my spiritual plenitude, I thought I was too holy to fault against the Son of the living God who I had confessed. But what did I know?

Just some few hours ago, we had enjoyed good fellowship with Jesus in the Upper Room. Never have I seen humility personified than at that hour. The King of glory, with knees bent, washing my stinking feet? Unbelievable! Would heaven ever forgive my insubordination (Jn. 13:6, 8)?

You see, pride has more garbs than you know. Why was I the only person to object to that picture lesson in servant leadership? The Master was revealing the weakness that would cause my downfall soon, but I did not get it. I was too full of myself to discern. But if I was going to be the leader of His people, I needed to submit to Him and learn. For, the foundation of godliness is self-emptying. But then again, you think I would have accepted that in the Upper Room?   

Now, here am I; the Master’s voice cutting deep into my heart.

“You will all fall away,” … “for it is written:

“‘I will strike the shepherd,
    and the sheep will be scattered.’”

 “Even if all fall away, I will not.”

“Truly I tell you,” … “today—yes, tonight—before the rooster crows twice you yourself will disown me three times.”

 “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you” (Mk. 14:27-31).

So, ask me how I got here? Spiritual pride, my friend! It is every Christian’s worst enemy. However, the attitude that overcomes is submission to the Holy Spirit and emptying of self in humility, assuming a servant posture, and learning obedience, even to death, as the Master did (Phil. 2:5-8).

I finally gathered myself together.

“It’s not late, Peter,” I said.

I heard they had taken my Lord to Pilate in the early hours of the day, so I went there. Maybe I could redeem myself. But as the Roman Court sat, every courage left me. The false accusation by the chief priests, Pilate’s mocking interrogation, the people’s chant for His crucifixion – even choosing Barabbas over our King – were too much for me. But, isn’t that what it was supposed to be for Him – to take the place of the sinner in the courtroom and be condemned?  

“What shall I do, then, with the one you call the king of the Jews?” Pilate asked them.

“Crucify him!” they shouted.

“Why? What crime has he committed?” asked Pilate.

But they shouted all the louder, “Crucify him!”

Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified (Mark 15:12-15).

And I wept again.