“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”

Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is an act of kindness we all want and ask from those we offend, and yet, it is the most difficult to give to our offenders. Although God has forgiven us in Christ Jesus, a selfless act that has reconciled us to Him, we struggle to forgive others. Sometimes we wish they suffer for what they have done to us. We forgive verbally, but our heart does not come along. Couples, friends, people who have lived under oppressive rule find it difficult to remove themselves from the oppression of unforgiveness. But the one thing we all forget is that none of us deserve heaven. It is just His grace that has saved us from the wages of sin and given us access to heaven in Christ (Ephesians 2:8-9). So, if God has been so gracious to us, how come we can’t find it in our hearts to forgive others as God asks us to do (4:32)? I want to propose one word in response for our consideration today: Selfishness!

Selfishness feeds on egos. We live in the ‘me’ and “I” generation today. We think nobody deserves anything good but us. If they meet our interests, we don’t care what happens to anybody else. 

I say this with the sincerest tenderness and compassion. Our selfish needs drive most divorces today. Once we perceive oppression or a lack of any kind, we can walk away from the marriage without restraint. God and the sanctity of the holy covenant we entered before God do not count during our considerations. Neither does the effect on our children nor our loved ones. So how can we learn to be selfless and free ourselves and others by forgiving them? 

Paul, writing in Philippians 2:3-4 says this:

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others (Phil. 2:3-4).

This scripture is foundational to every relationship we cherish and intend to keep. It is the bedrock upon which we can safely build our marriages and Christian fellowship. For, if we are unselfish, we cannot decide about our loved ones or anybody else that are detrimental to their interests. That is the example of Christ in His condescension (5-8). And when they fail us, we cannot refuse to share the mercy and grace that Jesus has given to us through the cross.

 A heart that seeks the interest of others always seeks their restoration to fellowship with God and us when they offend us. As Charles Swindoll says, “Instead of holding grudges against those who offend us, we’ll be eager to forgive”. 

But you may ask, “How can I forgive when they have not repented?” Your forgiveness must not depend on their repentance. You must predicate on God and His forgiveness to you through Christ Colossians 3:13). Your love and prayers, when you forgive, have the power to move them towards repentance.