Genesis 32:7

New International Version

In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well.

For Meditation

Our past!

I hold it up as our worst enemy to face at any time — the fiercest terrorist in everybody’s life. It is dark and ugly. It haunts menacingly, without discrimination or favor. Its shadow strikes fear in the heart and sends chills down the spine.

What does my wife know? How about my children? What will happen to my career should my boss hear about it? What will people think about me? How can I recover my reputation?

I once spoke to a man who carried the burden of guilt and shame about his past for a significant part of his life. He recounted how it oppressed him without pity. Some days, he confessed, the fear of his past catching up with him became so relentless it tormented him to the point of literal insanity. He became increasingly miserable, and life became insufferable. Worse of all, it dragged him along destructive paths and tendencies and led him to make terrible decisions and engage in negative life-altering actions. Until he took the bull by the horns and brought it down. He confessed his sordid past to his wife one day. His wife smiled and hugged him. She knew about everything and prayed for that moment of confession. They gave thanks to God together and praised the Lord. 

Jacob was a man whose past tormented him until Peniel, where God wrestled with him and changed his name with a new direction for his life (Gen. 32:22-31). He ran away from his brother Esau for years and dreaded meeting him on his way back from Paddan Aram (6-7).

Moses ran from his murderous past to the wilderness of Midian for forty years until he became the meekest man on earth for God’s use (Exod. 2:11-22; Nu. 12:13). David struggled through his adulterous and murderous past until the prophet Nathan confronted him with it (2 Sam. 12:1-7; Psa. 32: 1-5; 51:1-19). Peter was another man whose past haunted him (Lk. 22:60-62) until our resurrected Christ restored him after their failed fishing trip on the shores of the Sea of Galilee (Jn. 21:15-19).

So, for those who dread the day when your past will catch up with you, be encouraged. Christ has worked forgiveness for you on Calvary (Acts 2:38). Do not wait until the Holy Spirit wrestles you down and Christ confronts you with your sins (Acts 9: 3-5). Confess them to God and set yourself free from bondage (1 Jn. 1:9). After that, gather courage and face your spouse, friend, or boss with your confession. God will surprise you with a response that will make you cry. His forgiveness is not just a pardon, but a transformation, a new beginning.

It is for His honor and your freedom. 

Pray with Me

I cannot continue hiding and running from my shadow any longer. Lord, I am exhausted and need you to rescue me from my past. Thank you for my Peniel, in Jesus’s precious name. Amen.